Every 5 millennia, a Greek god will be sent from the pages of myth and go to Earth for 24 hours as a form of vacation, with their identities erased, their powers removed, humanized and given modern cash and a communication device. Unfortunately, Vortigon was chosen and, naturally, he uses this to his advantage to try and kill anyone he can, starting with the Loud Family. Will he succeed or will slapstick ensue?
Cast[]
- Vortigon (human mortal)
- Loud Family
Story[]
In a parking lot during a cloudy morning, thunders suddenly filled around it until lightning strikes in the middle of it, revealing a man in dark red hair, smooth caucasian skin and wearing a black toga, with some bronze shoulder and knee pads. He then gets up, moaning
- Vortigon: Ohhh, dear, my head. Where the heck am I? Oh, yeah... I was sent here for vacation. Does that mean- (pulls out a twenty dollar bill and a cellphone) Yup. Modern currency and communication. Oh well! THAT doesn’t stop me from causing chaos because chaos is my job! Now, who do I kill first...? (Sees the Loud House, a couple blocks away) Such a large house... Good. (Laughs evilly)
Meanwhile, at the Loud House, all the siblings are doing their own thing.
- Lincoln: *sighs* Nothing different ever happens in this place. It’s the same old thing, all day, everyday. I wish something new would happen....
Lincoln then hears a sudden thump on the entrance door, following up with an weak “ow.”
- Lincoln: Huh? *He answers the door.*
He then sees Vortigon jumping up and down, holding his foot he presumably used. Lincoln laughs at this.
- Lincoln: Ha ha!
- Luan: Hey guys! We have a visitor a-foot! Hahahahaha! Get it?
- Vortigon: (mumbling to himself) Well, this is certainly a start. (Yells at them) SHUT UP! DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE TALKING TO?!
- Lynn: A person who just hurt his foot while knocking on the door?
- Vortigon: I’m not JUST a mortal! I am the greek god of Chaos, war and weaponry! You will tremble before my power!
- Lisa: Wait- the last time a crazed god said that, it was a bumbling squid girl who barely put up a fight. What makes you any different?
- Vortigon: Oh, I can show you! Starting with my most powerful weapon in my arsenal! BEHOLD! (He then snaps his fingers in an attempt to make Dark Energy... with nothing happening. Confused, he keeps snapping his fingers with no avail. The Loud family laughs at this)
- Lori: Ooooh, I’m literally sooo scared!
- Vortigon: GRRRRRRRRR! (Mind: Should’ve known being a mortal grants you no powers) (He then grabs Lori by the collar and clutches his fist) No matter! Maybe a quick punch in the face should jog your mind!
Before Vortigon can execute the assault, Lynn tackles him back outside, rescuing Lori
- Lynn: That was a flagrant foul! Play by the rules.
- Vortigon: What rules?! It was a simple fist fight and Lori’s completely defenseless!
- Lynn: The fight has to be declared beforehand! I don’t tolerate out-of-nowhere violence!
- Vortigon: Grrr! No matter! The next time we encounter each other will be your last, as my name... which I do not remember, will be written all over your house with your blood! (He then storms off)
- Lincoln: I’d like to see him try that!As the clouds dissipate and shows the sun more, Lori is on her phone, talking to her boyfriend on the couch
- Lori: What? I know, right Bobby? No, I’m not making this up! This literally happened earlier today!
As she was talking, Vortigon was using a telescope to watch the scene. Afterwards, Vortigon pulls out a bow and arrow and chuckles evilly before making aim at her. He takes the shot and fire... and misses completely only shooting one of the vases, alarming Lori. Vortigon takes cover.
- Lori: *peeks out from behind the couch, where she took cover* Just when I thought I seen it all...
Then another arrow comes out of nowhere, this time, hitting the TV screen.
- Lincoln: TAKE COVER!
Then one more arrow came, nearly hitting Lincoln on the head.
- Lincoln: Wait a minute- is that freak back?
- Vortigon: Oh shoot! (He tries to run away, but accidentally hits Lori’s car, making it go off)
Lori runs outside, and sees Vortigon.
- Lori: YOU!
- Vortigon: CARP! (makes a run for it)
- Lori: Luna! Stop him!
- Luna: You got it dude! *she plays a ear-bleeding tune on her guitar*
The blast was so loud, it sends him flying to a thrift store, through a closed window
- Luna: Thank you, Thank you.
A few hours later, during midday, Vortigon is taking a stroll around the downtown park, counting his $20 worth of $1 dollar bills.
- Vortigon: I gotta make SOME use of this money... but how?
He then sees Lisa walk out of a store, holding scientific supplies
- Lisa: This is just the stuff I need for my latest experiment!
- Vortigon: Modern science! That’s it! (He then rushes to the store and grabs one of every scientific material before rushing to the cash register and placing the money down) KEEP THE CHANGE! (rushes back out)
- Chasier: Hey-Hey, that’s eighty-five dollars... and fifty cents!
He then hides into a bush and uses to follow Lisa back to the Loud House undetected
- Lisa: Now to make the most explosive chemicals known to man!
- Vortigon: (Mind: Explosive, you say? Hehehehe... I’ll show you explosive!)
Voritigon then gets out a telescope and the scientific material and attempts to copy Lisa’s work. Lisa proceeds to make the concotion by mixing several materials. The material and steps were so confusing, Vortigon had trouble following it. Eventually, Lisa finished the concoction. She lifts it up in triumph.
- Lisa: Here it is! The most powerful substance that has ever been created! Explosive, too.
- Vortigon: AND TO TEST IT ON YOU!
Vortigon throws his version through Lisa’s room window. Lisa ducks for cover and prepares for the explosion... only for Vortigon’s concoction to make a small explosion, along with a tiny fire; nothing major. Lisa then simply puts out the fire before walking to her room window and looks at Vortigon through the window, revealing herself to be unharmed.
- Vortigon: Uhhhhh.... Did I miss a step?
- Lisa: Might I ask what you are doing here?
- Vortigon: Uhhh... If I had to be honest, attempting to kill you?
Lisa rolls her eyes before throwing her explosive concoction at Vortigon, making a large explosion, with parts of the lawn flying everywher. Vortigon is seen standing in the debris, completely covered in sout, wearing nothing but his boxers.
- Vortigon: Now I can see the suffering of being catch on fire... (falls to the ground)
- Lisa: Never mess with a chemist, fool!
During the afternoon, Vortigon is pacing around a football field, with a serious look on his face
- Vortigon: For a bunch of dumb children, they are rather good at self defense. Either that, or I’m worthless without my godly powers...
Lynn is at the field too, practicing her kickboxing. Seeing this as his perfect revenge opportunity, Vortigon approacha Lynn
- Vortigon: Why, hello there. I’m sure we met, miss...?
- Lynn: Oooh.... a sparing partner!
- Vortigon: Sparing partner- what?
Lynn charges at Vortigon and kicks him
- Vortigon: OOF! (rolls to a light poll) Owww.... That’s it. You wanna play rough. (Pops knuckles) We’ll play rough!
- Lynn: Then put your dukes up! *she runs at Vortigon again*
Vortigon grabs Lynn and they attempt to pin each other, using various tactics that they know.
- Lynn: Give up! I have practiced this for many years!
- Vortigon: Over my dead, mortal body! (Pushes Lynn away from him)
- Lynn: Crack, darn it, crack! *she tries to punch Vortigon a few times*
- Vortigon: OOF- DERR- AUGH! (falls to the ground) Oww- (Sees Lynn in the air) Ohhhh, dear.
- Lynn: Take this! *she body slams Vortigon* WOOO-HOOO! LYNN LOUD WINS, KO!
- Vortigon: (out of breath) OWOWOW, GET OFF OF ME PLEASE IM OUTTA BREATH!
At sunset, Vortigon is sitting near a bench at the park. He then suddenly screamed.
- Vortigon: YAAAAAHHHHHHH! I CAN’T TAKE IT! I HAVE TO- NO I NEED MY POWERS BACK! (Jumps up and down) NOW NOW NOW! (Slaps himself) Okay, pull yourself together, Mr. Can’t-remember-your-name. You can think this through! I just need someone who knows those stupid children better than I do... (He then sees Mr. Grouse yelling at a Loud family member)
- Mr. Grouse: Louds! Keep that racket down! It's bad enough I live in this neighborhood, but I can never get any silence!
Having an idea in his head, Vortigon walks up behind Mr. Grouse and taps him on his shoulder
- Vortigon: Excuse me, sir? Can I have a word with you?
- Mr. Grouse: Huh? What do you want? Are you related to those Louds?
- Vortigon: Encountered them Before, now hate ‘em. Tell me, how much do you know about the “Louds.”
- Mr. Grouse: Well, each of them is vastly different, I'll give them that...
- Vortigon: Uhh, yeah, I can see that... Saaaaaay, is one of the Louds interested in gothic stuff? Y'know, the skulls 'n everything...?
- Mr. Grouse: One of them is... her bats always fly around everywhere.
- Vortigon: Nice! (shakes his hand) Good knowin' ya! See ya! (runs off, leaving Mr. Grouse confused)
At night, Vortigon sets up a ladder to Lucy's room and climbs on it, eventually reaching there. Vortigon slowly opens the window and silently claws inside. He then tiptoes to Lucy's desk and scavenges it, eventually finding a gothic book. He opens it flips through the pages
- Vortigon: Let's see... (mumbles through the words) Power restoration spell. Caution: Only works on former deities. YES!
He blurted it out loud enough to wake up Lucy and her bats.
- Lucy: What are you doing in here?
- Vortigon: Uhhh... Would you believe me if I told you I was searching for some fine epics?
- Lucy: What would you do with those?
- Vortigon: Uhh- Read?
- Lucy: Part of me doesn’t believe you.
- Vortigon: Listen to that part 'cause IM GONNA MAKE A RUN FOR IT!!! (Attempts to run towards the window)
Lucy’s bats fly after him, swarming him. The bats bite him in every corner of his body, but Vortigon eventually jumped through the window and fell to the ground
- Vortigon: Right... Mortals feel pain while jumping... (After he got his face off the ground, he sees Lucy waiting for him)
- Lucy: I think it would be wise for you to leave. Now.
- Vortigon: Good call! (runs off with the book)
Meanwhile, in an abandoned house, Vortigon finishes lighting the 8 candles
- Vortigon: Well, that's all eight candles. (smacks lips) Gotta say, didn't know it wanted me to light this many candles, let alone the weird symbols. Ohhh... Kay, "Step 3: Say the following latin words out lou-" What does that say? "O deorum, Deum excelsum, et forti, removere infirmitatem meam et mortale mihi vires!"
Then suddenly, the candles go out and the symbols emit electricity before striking Vortigon, where his eyes went from black to bright red, his whole body engulfed in flames and gains sharp claws. He looks at his former glory and lifts his arms triumphantly.
- Vortigon: HAHAHAHAHA!!! IM BACK, BABY!
Elsewhere, back at the Loud House, Lori is sleeping on the couch after hours of texting with her boyfriend when she suddenly wakes up by loud banging at the door.
- Vortigon: Hey-hey-hey! Remember this voice?~
- Lori: You again? Now, what do you want?
Before she can open the door, Vortigon uses his foot to break the door down, with success. Lori stands at the demonic Vortigon, riddled with fear
- Vortigon: What, Lori? Are you "Literally scared" now? Huh?
- Lori: A- a little bit.
- Vortigon: Well, you should be, because now with my TRUE form restored, I can show you my strongest weapon in my arsenal, take 2! BEHOLD!
Vortigon snaps his fingers and successfully creates the ball of Dark Energy. He then throws it towards Lori, to which she recoils in terror before she is rescued by Lynn.
- Lynn: HEY! You leave me sister alone!
- Vortigon: Or what, Miss thick-skull!? I am a god now! You're all mortals! And very soon, just as I promise... (creates a shotgun using his essence) Your house will be painted red with my name!
- Lynn: Over my dead body!
Meanwhile, outside the courtyard of the University of Echo Creek...
- Rosewell: Hey, Gerald! Have you seen what's going on today?
- Jelo: What is it?
- Peeter: I'm afraid that flame god guy is back. *shows a video of the news on his phone*
Elsewhere, Lucy tries to use her bats to attack Vortigon, with no success.
- Hey CITRON, can you do Lucy's lines?