User blog:Moon Snail/Steamed Hams but it's IaLR

.*Ding dong*

Lucas opens the door.

Barbarian King: Well, Lucas, I made it... Despite your directions.

Lucas: Ah, Barbarian King, welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!

Barbarian King: Yeah...

Lucas walks into his kitchen as Barbarian King places a heal spell into a bucket on the table.

Lucas: Guuuh! *Runs to his oven, and sees his fried shrimp catching on fire* Oh, egads! My shrimp is ruined! *Looks out the window and sees a Monkey Burger restaurant* But what if... I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking? Do ho ho ho ho... Delightfully devilish, Lucas!

Lucas attempts to step outside, but Barbarian King opens the door and spots him.

Barbarian King: Eh-? ...*Glares*

[Lucas and his crazy explanations, Barbarian King's gonna need his medication, when he hears Lucas' lame exaggerations, there'll be trouble in town, tonight!]

Barbarian King: LUUUUCAAAAAS!

Lucas: Barbarian King! I was just... uh, stretching my calves on the windowsill! Isometric exercise, care to join me?

Barbarian King: ...Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Lucas?

Lucas: Uh... *Looks at oven* Uh- ooh! That isn't smoke! It's steam! Steam from the Steamed Clams we're having! Mmmmm! Steamed clams!

Barbarian King walks out.

Lucas: Whew... *Runs over to Monkey Burger*

Barbarian King's preparing some napkins.

Lucas: *Leaves kitchen* Barbarian King, I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers!

Barbarian King: I thought we were having Steamed Clams...

Lucas: No, no, I said steamed hams! That's what I call hamburgers!

Barbarian King: You call hamburgers "Steamed Hams"?

Lucas: Yes! It's a regional dialect!

Barbarian King: Uh huh... Eeh, what region?

Lucas: Uh... Central Florida.

Barbarian King: Really? Well, I'm from Orlando, and I've never heard anyone use the phrase "Steamed Hams".

Lucas: No, not in Orlando, no! It's a Tampa expression.

Barbarian King: I see... *Takes a bite out of one of the burgers* Y'know, these hamburgers are quite similar to the ones they have at Monkey Burger.

Lucas: Oh ho ho, no! *Breathes* patended Coffman burgers! *breathes* oooold family recipe!

Barbarian King: ...For... Steamed Hams.

Lucas: ...Yes!

Barbarian King: Yes, and you call them steamed hams, despite the fact that they're obviously grilled.

Lucas: *Sweats* y-I... You know, I... One thing I should... pff... Excuse me for one second. *Enters kitchen*

Barbarian King: Of course.

A few seconds later, Lucas walks out while the kitchen is completely overtaken by flames.

Lucas: *Yawns* Well, that was wonderful! Good time was had by all, I'm pooped!

Barbarian King: Yes, I should be- GOOD LORD WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THERE!?

Lucas: Aurora Borealis!

Barbarian King: Eh...? Aurora Borealis!? At this time of year!? At this time of day!? In this part of the country!? Localised entirely within your kitchen!?

Lucas: Yes!

Barbarian King: ...May I see it?

Lucas: .........No.

Barbarian King and Lucas both exit the house.

Robin: Lucas! The house is on fire!

Lucas: No, Robin, it's just the northern lights!

Barbarian King: Well, Lucas, you are an odd fellow, but I must say... Ya steam a good ham.

Barbarian King starts walking away. He looks at Lucas, who gives him a thumbs up.

Robin: Help! HEEELP!