Review:Slave Stupidity

When Galaximus catches Jenny and her friends as they are playing outside of her lair, the Inkling goddess forces them to redecorate and renovate her lair.

Oh I wonder what the plot twist is

She is using this as an opportunity to distract them and defeat them!

Oh

Mr. Red: ZzzzzZZZZzzzzZZZzzzz....

What is the point of this line of dialogue? It's clear he's asleep and spamming Z isn't going to make that any clearer.

Mr. Red:  *startled* SWEET J*SUS!

Useless swear count: 1

Patrick: Lets run around here and just free our minds....

free our minds



One word: INTRUDERS! We gotta stop them!

One word: That's five words not one.

Patrick is breaking on of the statues of Galaximus

There are so many spelling errors I can't even tell what the original is supposed to say

Mr. Red: *with Agent Red, who has them at gun point* EXPLAIN YOURSELVES!

If Galaximus wants to kill them and she has them at gunpoint why doesn't she give the order to shoot???! This would eliminate all of her problems.

Jenny: This... this is cruel!

Galaximus: Life is cruel. Get used to it!

Holy crap. Funny story about cleaning turns into an existential crisis.

Mr. Red: Hehehehe... I'm gonna have sssoooooo much fun with you being my slave.



This joke will go over most people's heads but I can't do anything more direct or Rustbolt will be on my ass in 10 seconds flat.

Doopie and Star go hiding in the bush. Thankfully, it looks like they're nowhere to be seen.

What?

I have created a super weapon, that, in one shot, can obliterate those fools!

BUT YOU HAD THEM AT GUNPOINT LESS THAN FIVE MINUTES AGO

One shot? Why- Oh yeah.. I know why, because they restrict us to be OP. Well, I guess I can work here for further plan for Operation GUNSHIP OMEGA

I refuse to believe this sentence was created through any other means by writing one word and letting predictive text write the rest.

Agent Red: How in the fu-

Useless swear count: 2

RED Soldier: AW CRAP I SCREWED UP THIS TIME!!

Useless swear count: 3.5

Mr. P calls a f*ckton of Guards Useless swear count: 4.5

Mr. P: For the rest of my eternity, Mollusk Mouth.



Mr. P: (on speaker) Now listen here you dolts, If you use your powers, you'll die, See that I put power sensors everywhere? Alright, now you have err... About 10 minutes to escape the room, if you don't escape. YOU ALL DIE. I hid the key in a well hidden spot, so find it.


 * 1) There's a line between evil and psychopath.
 * 2) How do you know what Saw is? Aren't you like 14?
 * 3) GALAXIMUS WAS TRYING TO KILL THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE. IF YOU ARE SO CAPABLE OF MAKING THEM DIE, DO IT ALREADY

Search literally beneath the ground

Yes because I always search FIGURATIVELY beneath the ground

Star: I left my spellbook in my room.

You were in your house five minutes ago, just walk back and get it.

*starts using both her hands and tentacles abs scrubs the clothes*

tentacle abs



We might as well kill them.



And there's nothing really important after that so:

The plot was an interesting idea but rubbish execution. 2/3.

Grammar
What grammar

The English is so broken here I can't make out anything. At all. The tense goes around, the writer(s) have probably never heard about an apostrophe. 0.5/3

Originality
While I've seen stories like this before elsewhere, I haven't really seen anything like it on the wiki. Kudos. 2.5/3

Overall
Terrible grammar and execution and plot and just ugh.

5/10 - HOLY F****** H***