Review:AU Escape

Plot
In the very first paragraph the tense is all over the place so this will be interesting

I'd also like to point out this story is supposed to be quite dark, something others have criticised me for doing in the past.



The next is about how Jelo becomes the [M A X I M U M C O N T R O L F R E A K] and tells everyone if they do something wrong he'll...uh...idk fix it.

Jelo, if you're reading this, this isn't meant to be taken seriously. It's comedy and memes in the form of a review. Please stop obsessing over trying to get a good score, it doesn't matter. Literally nobody except you gives a crap if you get 1/10 or 10/10. I'm sorry I made you feel this way.

In the middle of nowhere at sunset, Infinite knocks back to a mountain.

Oh I can already tell this is going to be good.

* Mephiles:  This shall now be your grave, foolish mutation. Goodbye.

don't remember too much, my brain is so misty when it comes to remembering... OK, I remember now.

What was the point of that line? For exposition? Why would she say she forgot and then remembered a second later?

Send in Npegear This technically isn't a spelling error until Nepgear actually appears, because for all we know the AU version of her could be called Npegear.

*Nepgear (AU): Reality-bending and illusion-creating crystal of destruction....? That's valuable information. Thanks for falling for it

Man I am loving Npegear.

* Infinite: Friendship is nothing, but a fleeting illusion. The only person you can count on is yourself.

Me irl. These characters are turning out to be really well written tbh. Compared to IaLR regular paper-thin personalities, both Infinite and Nepgear have shown to be three-dimensional. Kudos to Bolt and whoever controls Infinite.

''To her shock, she sees bloodied up >"Blood isn't for IaLR REEE"

>promptly puts blood in IaLR

No I will never get over it shut up

metal and throws it to the tube and then BOOM!!!

What a crappily made tank. These guys have advanced technology, but even in real life we have something called double-glazed/reinforced glass. A piece of metal wouldn't put a dent in my window, let alone break open a maximum security cell.

I’m kinda woozy

woomy*

(puts the sword into his nonexiatant holster)

If it's nonexistent what is he putting his sword into?

Bendy (AU): Are you SURE this is no drill, Commander Jenny?

Bendy is a villain in canon; he would be locked up instead of helping.

(holograms of herself appear in a normal stance, and they suddenly turn real, slashing Infinite in all 8 directions)

I'd like to remind you that Purple Sister is wearing the bare minimum of clothing, so with eight of them at once, I'd imagine something like this:



I... Am... Not... WEAK!!!!

The next parts are quite good, but pretty cliche-ridden.

I’m beginning to question wether or not interdimensional travel IS possible, or that’s total bullsh- I’m beginning to question wether or not Rustbolt making something without profanity in it IS possible, or that’s total bullsh-

And that's it. This story was pretty well written, with only a few cliches and grammar bringing it down. 2.5/3

Grammar
The ultimate in between, with some parts perfect, some not so much. The tense always changed though, so 1.5/3.

Originality
The actual premise, characters going to another world where good guys are bad and bad guys are (comparably) good is super overused, but the rest of it is pretty original. 1.7/3.

Verdict
A well-written story with a solid plot. Also it's the only thing in all of IaLR where characters have more personality then "I AM GOOD" or "I AM EVIL", with slight variation.

8.5/10 - This...Is..Pretty...Good!!!