Thread:PeaVZ108/@comment-8138569-20180524181754/@comment-30384301-20190313021054

Okay, I know you've been telling me to read Trick Craze and seeing how far the story has gone, I think it's better as a solo story. Here are some of my thoughts:

Firstly, I can't help but notice that some of the dialogue seems a little...unnatural. You have to make sure your character's dialogue sound as natural as possible, not forced to the point where they might look like they're saying it for the sake of the story's plot. For instance... I mean, sure, Melody saying that she wants the power of flight sounds quite reasonable, but that's only because flight is a much more common and general superpower than poison sludge. It is very unlikely for someone to state that they want powers as specific as poison sludge. And why poison sludge powers and not just poison powers in general? Sure, Jewel can end up giving Melody just poison sludge powers, but for Melody to say that she wants them beforehand just sounds unnatural. Do you see what I mean? Oh, and if you wanted Melody to have those powers because you thought Emma has poison powers, then you're wrong. Emma's powers may be nature-based, but none of them include poison.
 * Jewel: Okay. Second, what superpowers do you want?
 * Melody: Uhh...this might be weird, but...perhaps poison sludge powers? Oh, and flight.

Secondly, there wasn't any proof that Melody befriended Drillbit's team and became a villain. She even stated... And right after Melody got superpowers... It just doesn't make sense. Before she met Jewel, she didn't want to be a villain at all, but right after she got superpowers from Jewel, she starts acting just like a villain would? It would've made some sense if Drillbit's team manages to convince Melody to be a part of their team, but as of now, I just don't get it.
 * ???: Let me go! I don't want to become a villain!
 * Tyrone: Too bad, you have to.
 * Melody: Did you see how we tricked you?

Thirdly, what are the teenagers' motives right now? I don't really get what they are planning to achieve by doing this, especially since Giovanni and Dr. Scott were defeated. Every villain should at least have a motive, be it revenge, world domination, wealth and/or more. That includes the teenagers.

So yeah, here are some points to consider. I still think this story is better off as solo, as there's no point in RPing your characters if my characters aren't even going to have their own roles.