Thread:Redfork2000/@comment-8138569-20180831141006/@comment-26888167-20190316122153

Slightly better. I fixed it a bit so it be even better. Here's a couple of tips:

-Mystery is good, but don't try to use it where it isn't necessary.

"However, someone is walking around. It's Corolla."

Why not just say "Corolla is walking down the streets." It's a better way to express what you're trying to say, and you don't have to use a two word sentence. Trust me, sentences that short should be avoided. They just make the writing sound lazier. This isn't to say short sentences like that don't have their place. They're best used to convey surprise and/or intense moments.

"Suddenly, the gang sees someone approaching them. She's huge, leaving a trace of ink where she goes. It's Ink Splash!"