Thread:PeaVZ108/@comment-8138569-20180524181754/@comment-8138569-20190405123404

PeaVZ108 wrote: Chilly Bean BAM! wrote: Okay, here we go: (Note that this takes place after the story where Drillbit's team joins Jacqueline) Drillbit and his gang is hanging out in Jacqueline's base when Morgan starts appearing to having a crush on Melody. Edward asks what's wrong, but Morgan tells him how pretty is her ("Her eyes...they're like glittering emeralds, her hair waves like a sea of grass..."). Everyone is at first confused at Morgan's unusual behavior, but then realize that Morgan might have a crush on Melody.

Later that day, the gang notices Drillbit acting in a similar way like Morgan earlier. Cassandra sees what's going on, then tells Drillbit that Melody might not be "your best girl," but Drillbit doesn't care. The latter leaves the main room of the base, before going into his bedroom and kissing a picture of Melody.

The next day, the rest of the gang sees Melody sitting in between Drillbit and Morgan, with the former looking worried about what could happen, as the two boys continue admiring how beautiful she looks. However, this soon turns into an argument. Tyrone attempts to stop them, but then Drillbit says "You stay out of this!" and pushes him away. Eventually, the two start fighting for Melody, causing the latter to get a bit nervous. Despite the other members of Drillbit's team (except Melody) trying to stop the fight (and even attacking Drillbit and Morgan a bit), the fight continues to get worse (and causes a bit of destruction) until Melody becomes furious and tells everyone to stop.

Melody then turns to Drillbit and Morgan furiously and demands them to stop fighting over her. She also tells them she's not even interested in an of them. This causes the two stop having a crush on Melody. Jacqueline comes down, angry about the noise and then attempts to get everyone to stop. However, Melody calms her down by saying that the fight is over now. Jacqueline then apologies to Melody before going back upstairs. The gang then relaxes in peace...for now.

This isn't my greatest plot, but I usually accept suggestions to make the plot better.

Also, another random topic: Do you like/dislike Teen Titans Go!? I'm actually mostly neutral on it. Oh boy, here we go.

This plot sounds rather simple and isn't really too original. Is this really just about two male characters fighting over a female character? Because if it is, it's pretty boring. And to me, this can only do as a solo story. But here are some more of my thoughts:

- Apparently, there wasn't any prior evidence in previous stories that Morgan or Drillbit have a crush on Melody. This story makes it seem as if their feelings for Melody just appear out of nowhere.

- '''"Cassandra sees what's going on, then tells Drillbit that Melody might not be "your best girl," but Drillbit doesn't care." '''From this alone, I've gotten the impression that Cassandra might have a crush on Drillbit, but Drillbit is the complete opposite. Sounds like Cassandra is becoming yandere, if you ask me.

- I don't get this part. '''"She also tells them she's not even interested in an of them. This causes the two stop having a crush on Melody." '''Just because Melody says that she isn't interested in both Morgan and Drillbit, the two of them immediately stop having a crush on her? Considering that they only develop a crush on her at the start of the story, this seems way too drastic. This feels like as if the story is built for drama, rather than character development, and that the two only have a crush on Melody for her looks. In reality, I'm sure it'll take more than that to get someone to lose his crush on the other.

- This is something that doesn't need its own story, unless there's much more to it than a simple fight between two male characters over a female character. Take A Relationship is Baking for example. Coffee Cookie may have admitted to Green Tea Cookie that she isn't interested in him, but that doesn't stop the latter for trying to earn her heart. He took extreme measures to the point where he had to borrow Bright Spark's machines to ambush Blue Ocean, and threaten him with Lemon Glass to attempt to get him out of the way. Now that's more than a simple love story. And also, Cuboy and the Nitro Maniacs. Cuboy has a crush on Starcade and has been trying various ways to earn her heart, and he was devastated when he felt rejected by her, and decided to indirectly seek Olympus' help in order to try again. This is like the previous story, but to a whole new level, as Cuboy takes on the entire gang just to get Starcade to love him back. These two stories may have had a similar-sounding concept, but each of them has its own elements that makes it sound fresh and stand out as an original story.

Point is, I think it's time you step up your own game. Yes, you have improved over time in terms of quality of ideas and stories, but you can't stop there. To be honest, I wasn't very impressed with how Vanishing Mysteries turned out, as it seemed more like a story focused on introducing Tarkov rather than a story that focuses on the mystery of kidnapping cases. It just felt like another The Winter Ring to me, with the exception that it did focus on the kidnapping for the earlier parts of the story, which is slightly better. I know you might be struggling to improve, but don't stop. Small changes for the better are better than no changes. In this case, this recent story idea of yours isn't exactly interesting. I'm no idea factory but I can help you develop that story idea and make it even better. Okay.