Thread:JeloElducal/@comment-30384301-20190327035320/@comment-26888167-20190402114451

The main problem was:

-You added too much boring scenes at the beginning. When you write a story, you need to make sure the beginning is interesting, or else no one will read the entire story, since they'll get bored from the start.

-You tossed in way too many new characters that aren't main characters in the plot. I always say: if you want to introduce new characters, do it in small amounts, and make sure they have enough spotlight to shine. Otherwise, they turn into bland characters that are boring to watch.